Friday, October 29, 2010

Music Was My First Love

A world without music, how would it be? Well, as far as my concern, it would be black and white. 

I know, some of you might say now: "You are a photographer! So what about this music talk?!" Yes, my world is made of pictures, but my pictures talk. My pictures tell stories and the music gives them life.

I don't know about you, but when I look at a picture I hear the light sing a melody. I can't see an image without feeling the music within. Just like in the movies. Turn of the sound and watch a movie and you will know what I mean. 

Music surrounds me wherever I go and whatever I do. It makes memories come back alive, it fills my world with emotions it makes me feel human, makes me love and makes me feel loved, enlightens a moment, makes me sad and sometimes makes me cry. But music never lets me down. And before I made my first picture, music already surrounded me and already was part of me. And it will always be.

So in homage to those wonderful artist that transform sound in music, the way I transform light in images, here goes my very thank you. Thank you so much, couse without you, my world wouldn't exist.

Thursday, October 21, 2010


My lawyer called me earlier informing that as of today, I became part of one more statistics: I am divorced.

Only some little paperwork to do and everything is over and I can start a new ... whatever.

Things set as asked for, we share guard for the kids, kids registered and living with me, spend 1/2 the time with the mother that from now on uses again her maiden name. 

Funny, just today, a little after I received the message I met some old friend from school (on Facebook) - we haven't seen or talked for 30 years now, and when she asked how I was doing, I told her shortly what has happened all these years and well, my new status. Her question to me was odd: "Should I congratulate you for this now?" I didn't know.

All my life one of my dreams was to mary and live happily ever after till death breaks us apart. It took me almost 40 years to finally step in front of the alter and swear that this would be exactly what I would do, in good and in bad times, sickness or health, rich or poor, faithful ... ... 

Nine years later, it is over. 

I believe that there is no one else to blame than myself. I could have done more to maintain this marriage. I should have ... But I didn't.

No, I didn't cheat on her or she on me, we didn't break up in one of these crazy fights we so often see, we simply wore out our relationship. We simply grew apart.

Throughout my life I had many ups and downs, I've been shot at, I went to war, saw misery, got sick, had to do and went through things man shouldn't have to do or go through, but right now, this very moment, I feel as if this is the worst day in my life.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


I just spoke to a friend of mine, I haven't spoken to for a while. He was pretty sad. He lost his girlfriend of just 20 years of age and a few days later his grandfather. Tough isn't it? After I gave him my condolences we chatted a little. During our conversation I remembered when my dad passed away - I was with him at the moment -, I remembered friends I lost over the years, and than it hit me, ... again.

What is the deal with us suffering so much, every time someone we care about passes? I don't get it.

Christian or not, unless you are an atheist, everybody in every religion somehow believes that we, after we leave this life, somehow will wake up in paradise, or any place paradise like. We won't suffer of any pain, will never hunger again or feel cold. Never be sick and live happy ever after. We even will re-encounter all our loved ones that left before us. So, if this is the case, shouldn't we be happy?

Shouldn't we celebrate that another one of us made it and left behind this ... place, closer to hell than anything I know. Full of hatred, wars, suffering, problems, sickness and diseases, politicians, ... ... lawyers ... Shouldn't we be happy for our loved one being in paradise now? So what is all this wining about? 

Are we in reality angry because he or she made it and that we are still here and have to clean up the mess and keep living in chaos? Do we envy the ones that left? Would we rather change place? No. no. no, some of you might say, we cry because we miss our friends and family. We miss being close and talking with them and having a good time or just being there or to have someone to borrow money from.

But, if this paradise story is for real, wouldn't we be a little selfish not to be happy for them and to wish them back here with us? Shouldn't we get drunk and be happy and look forward to get our job done and to join them in paradise? 

Unless we are not sure about paradise and the reunion, or we don't believe any of that. Than, yes, in that case I'd be sad to and would cry the lost of a loved one, knowing that I never would see him or her again and that every word unspoken, would stay that way. And every moment missed and chance to say how much I cared was inevitable gone. 

Since I don't know, I will use this opportunity to say all of you how much I care, and I am happy to have you as my friend and even when we not see us every day, in my heart, I keep the memories of the time we spent together warm, and I want you to know how important you are for me and even though we might meet again, I will miss you.

Franz Ziehe                             Alex Neves
See you in heaven!

Friday, October 8, 2010


Today is my soon-to-be ex-wife's birthday. For the first time in 10 years that I am not invited. My babies are there and I assume having a good time. And I, I am not sure what to think about it. Even more, I really don't know how to feel, just in case I have to feel something at all.

Anyway, it is a very strange situation and since it is less than a year since we broke up, I believe that I am not yet used to this new status. 

My friends say that I am lucky and that the chicks are out there just waiting for me and as soon I wave hands they will drop in like... don't know what. But, why don't I feel lucky? What if I think of all the good times we had in those past 10 years, and the 2 beautiful girls we had together? Them girls I see today suffering from this separation, even though they try to hide their feelings about it. Oh yes, they are slowly learning to take advantage of the situation, but how often, when I tuck them in at night, I hear them say "I miss mommy". Than I have to say "yes honey, I miss mom to".

Maybe it is because we actually didn't break up in one of these awful fights we so often see. We just sat and decided that it was time for change. Actually she decided that it was time for her to change. And what a change ...

Yes, you are right. I still love my wife and I miss her and I wish the very best for her now and in the future. I just hope that she is happy now, with her changes. And I, I will be happy to.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

And History Continues

"I am horny!" was quite an experience. Believe me, when I got back home I was a wiser kid. The lesson I learned, you better study hard and right, never to live such an experience again - in other words: be prepared for all that may come! 

So I did. Soon after, we moved again. Barcelona, Spain, was our destination. New school, new friends, new adventures. I got my first motorbike, a Montesa. Moto-cross was my new hobby. Every day after school, sometimes before and few times during school hours you could find me at the cross range. Just loved it.

It was in Barcelona that I got deeper into that "other sex" stuff. I discovered what exactly the difference between boys and girls was and, ... I loved it. 
Another discovery was beer! Never thought that having a few, couple, plenty of beers could be so ... funny. So whenever we could, we skipped class and hang out in the nearest "bodega" playing flipper and having a few beers. 

These good times lasted for 2 years, when we moved again. This time back to Germany. I have to say that after all, we were a funny, light, life loving group of teenager and very innocent. We did our share of "shit" but no one ever got hurt except for one time when one of us looked a bit to deep into the bottle and ended up in the nearest hospital to have her stomach pumped empty. Well, as I said, shit happens!

(On the pictures: Isabel Reyes - I had a crusch on her but she didn't knew - in Ibiza and 
Meike Yessen & viola Schmidt in our classroom in Barcelona)

Back in Germany, almost a grown up,  my life changed a little. I finished school, joined the federal police, during that time I went to college and started a photography career that would definitely make a huge change in everything. But before photography took over, I went trough a few other experiences still looking to find my way, and to find me.

(Believe it or not, it is me there, third from left on my knee)