I Cried

On september 11, 2001 I started the day with business as usual. Breakfast, shower, smalltalk with my soon to be wife, at that time 7 month pregnant of our first child. 


As soon I got to my studio I turned on the computer to browse around the daily news and check my mails. It was still before 9 am. 


"A plane has just crashed into on of the towers of the WTC in NY!" 


I believe one of my friends on MSN just send me this message and I went "No way! One of them stupid private pilots again..." "No, they say it was a big plane, a commercial one...!?" ... ... ...


In disbelieve I went back to the house to turn on the TV. Local news weren't saying that much yet so I turned to CNN - they were live.


Throughout the years I've seen many things. Good ones and bad ones. I've been to war, covered disaster - natural and manmade. I've seen horrible things, but I still wasn't ready for this. I was sitting thousands of miles away in my living room watching on live TV how a commercial airliner flew into the WTC and shortly after both towers collapsed. Live! And the first time in my entire life I was scared. My wife had a doctors appointment to check out the baby and as she left I told her to be aware of anything and to call me if anything different happens, and as I kept watching, not believing what I was seeing, I thought that the world has come to an end. The end of the world as we knew it. 


I didn't work on that day, neither the days after. 


Today, 9 years later, I see my child growing up, we had a second one just 2 years later, I am getting a divorce, another war was fought, thousands of people were killed in the name of God, or Allah or however you want to name your God, the US has a black president, the earth is heating up, more disaster - natural and manmade, people are still looking for love and for peace. 


I am not scared anymore. I believe because I got used to it. As we all get used to things we can't change, so that we don't feel bad about them anymore. But, ...


I don't want to be scared and I don't want to get used to things. I want the world to change! I want this world to become a better place. 


So I changed. 


But at night or on a moment when I am alone and nobody sees me, I am still crying.